The Beginning of the End

It's always a weird feeling to be moving on to a different stage of life.  Last year, we got married and moved to another country while I started a Masters degree.  Talk about life changes, right?  Now, we're at the point where that chapter of our lives is coming to a close, and I'm going to be honest - it's just as scary as last year.  Terrifying, really.  In just over a month, Seth and I are moving back to Minnesota, where we will have no home (save an air mattress in my parents' basement), no jobs and no income, and - at least on my part - a dissertation to complete.

I've been able to distance myself from the fact that we're leaving since we're waiting for our final loan disbursement, and until we have that, we don't have plane tickets to take us back across the Atlantic.  No flights set in stone means that we're not leaving yet.  But our money is due anytime - it's been tacked on to my FedLoan account - and July is just around the corner.  July is our last month.

Today I started writing a detailed outline of my dissertation - which, of course, I postponed in order to write this blog post - and I'm aiming to finish an introduction by next week.  I've been dreading the day I have to start writing this beast, but I can't put it off any longer.  Time to leave the comfort of books and journals and take my best shot at a draft.  But, as Hemingway says, "There is nothing to writing.  All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."  Bring on the bloody keyboard.

It just started dumping rain outside.  As much as I've disliked our constant walks to Tesco and Sainsbury's in the rain, there's something comforting about watching it outside the window.  There is beauty in the gray skies and shiny streets, the damp smell drifting through the open window, the sound of water cascading off of roofs.  I'm really going to miss this.

So what have we been up to these past couple months? I finished the final papers for my courses early in May, and since then, I've had a daily routine of reading and researching for hours every day, leaving the room only for necessities like groceries, laundry, church, and the odd social gathering.  Seth and I also spent our evening watching all six series of Doctor Who.  It's been comforting and relaxing, a nice break after the stress of finishing the semester.  I imagine this week will be the last bit of relaxation, though; after our money comes through, it's going to be a crazy month of lasts.  Last trips, last nights out, last time seeing people.  Last goodbyes.

My parents and brother came out to visit us at the end of May / beginning of June, and it was wonderful to see them again.  Really, I hadn't seen them since the wedding, and it was kind of weird being "part of the family" again, yet still a little more separate than I'd ever been since Seth is my family now.  But we had a great time showing them around Dublin, Derry, and the north coast.  It was the first time that Seth had actually gotten up to the Giant's Causeway too.  They got lucky with a Northern Irish summer too - leaving me with a nasty sunburn on the back of my neck because I was expecting wind and drizzle instead of sunshine and humidity.  My delicate, ghostly skin couldn't stand the sun after living here for almost a year.  Unfortunately, my family missed the Olympic Torch relay into Derry - it was only a day after they flew out of Dublin. Once in a lifetime opportunity, though.

So that's it - this is the beginning of the end.  A time of hard work and writing, and a time of enjoying every last moment.  A time to say goodbye to a wonderful year in Northern Ireland, and a time to welcome the changes to come with our transition back to Minnesota.  A time of uncertainty and doubt, yet a time for faith in everything wonderful to come.