I realized something the other day during class. It’s been going on all year, but I never
quite noticed until now: keeping a strong faith in God is really hard in the
world of academia, especially at Master’s level at a public university.
It’s a sneaky process and has everything to do with
cynicism. Everything we do and discuss
in class revolves around critical analysis and picking apart different theories
and strategies in peace and conflict studies.
Critical thinking is essential, and I’m not saying faith is incompatible
with questioning and analysis. In some
ways this skill is incredibly underdeveloped in the Christian community and so
many people would benefit from analyzing their beliefs instead of accepting the
spoon-feeding of others around them.
But in peace and conflict studies, it’s hard to escape from
the cynicism. So many people and
organizations have such great intentions for establishing peace in
post-conflict societies, but it's hard to be positive when such great intentions
often lead to more harm than good.
Countless articles are written about how peacebuilding can be improved,
yet all the scholarly articles come to is empty words. It’s idealistic, and the world is corrupted by
selfish motivations and bureaucracy behind the so-called altruistic motives of
rebuilding societies and establishing peace democracy. See?
There it is. Cynicism.
It gets to the point where I observe politics and policies
and I’m almost embarrassed to be American.
And unfortunately, the same cynicism rears its head as I observe the
words and actions of many Christians.
Christians who spread messages of hate and rejection instead of Christ’s
love and life-changing power. Christians
who use “Christian values” as a political platform. (Not that faith should be something hidden
away – absolutely not – but when it’s used as a tool to gain power, status, and
wealth, something seems off.) These
Christians are the ones influencing the world’s opinions, and in academia,
faith in Christ is looked down upon as backwards, lacking reason, hypocritical,
and narrow-minded.
This is the world I’ve been immersed in for the past 8
months, and it’s been all I can do to keep clinging to what I know is right and
good. Without finding some of the Christian
community here in Derry (Ebrington Presbyterian and the Magee Christian Union)
and without the support of Seth, I honestly might have lost faith by now. It’s a scary thought, and I thank God every
day that He’s kept me close.
I feel like I should end this with some great wisdom or encouragement. But honestly, all I can say is that this last
year has been a challenge, and I think God has used this time in school to
strengthen me. After all, it’s not going
to get better once I leave academia again to go into the workforce. It’ll probably never get better. But I’m here, I’m on the right path, and most
importantly – I’m not alone.
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